“What if my child doesn’t want to go to church? What can I do?

Let’s look at this question from several angles.

Who is asking the question? Probably a mother or father who has been dealing with a crying or complaining child on Sunday morning. A parent who has been angry and exasperated and hates feeling like that on the way to worship. Perhaps a parent remembering how their parents treated them on Sunday mornings and how church functioned in their home. Or maybe parents of a teenager who are having difficulty getting them out of bed in the morning.

But also, a father or mother who promised at the baptism of their children that they would raise them in relationship to God, faithfully bringing them to church.

Who is complaining? The kid. Kids complain. Kids complain selectively.

They never complain about having to eat another piece of candy, or about having to go to the moviesor staying up late or talking on the phone or doing lots of other stuff. Unless, of course, their parents say they have to.

Kids never complain about going swimming; unless they have to go to the swimming lessons you mortgaged the house to pay for. Kids complain about going to school, doing homework, doing chores, going to the doctor or dentist. They even, I’ve been told, occasionally complain about having to eat vegetables!

So, what is a parent to do?

Complaints are real, they need not be ignored. But, while they need to be recognized for what they are, they are not good reasons for making decisions.

Kids complain to exercise their power, to explore the limits in their lives. Parenting is a process of setting and sustaining limits around the lives of children to help them survive and thrive as they grow.

The limits and expectations that parents set demonstrate the values and love of the parents for the children. Only a parent who cares only about him or herself, will fail to set limits around their children’s behavior.

So what is a parent to do? Here are some ideas. You will no doubt have others to add to the list. 

1. Make a decision. Will worship be the Sunday morning priority in your family? What values do you communicate by setting that priority? By failing to set that priority?
2. Create consequences, don’t stoop to bribery or cave in to punishment.
3. What are some natural consequences of this behavior? Often kids think that if you take them out of church they can get down and play. That can be stopped by sitting and holding your child till they realize that will not happen.
4.  Explain in word and action why you value worship and learning. Tell your kids how much you need and want to hear and taste God’s love for you each week. Hold a discussion during dinner about what the readings, psalm, and gospel lesson were all about. Ask each family member to tell something about the sermon. When worship is something you want to do and apply, your children will learn to value and enjoy it as well. 

Mostly taken from: Thoughts by Pastor Kerry Nelson Covenant Lutheran Church in Texas

Rehoboth Evangelical Lutheran Church 2800 Conway Wallrose Road Baden, PA 15005 724.869.2806 church-office@rehobothlutheran.com